and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
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It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
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I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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