Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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