I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
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you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
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I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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