Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize