oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize