I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Green mimosas i think yes
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize