I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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