And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize