Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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