She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
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Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
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I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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