Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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