She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize