I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
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We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
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Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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