Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
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all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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