WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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