Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
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Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
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i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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