Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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