it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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