the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she woke up with a sticky ear
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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