You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize