we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Redeem this text for a blowjob
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize