What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
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Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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