Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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