The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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