the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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