your thong is hanging out like whoa
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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