This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
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