he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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