I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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