I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Mom said you looked used
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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