I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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