I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
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Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
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Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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