Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants are for mortals
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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