you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
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My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
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They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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