They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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