i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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