is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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