I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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