I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
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Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
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oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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