Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i jhust puked up my retainher.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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