I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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