dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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