I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
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i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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