I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize