Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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