If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
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I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
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Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize