you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize