I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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