I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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