I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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